In the lifespan of a long marriage, there will be times when a spouse just doesn’t want you around. It’s not that there is a relationship problem, or that you smell bad, or that your toenails are too long. It’s mostly because it’s inconvenient to have you around.
“Honey,” the wife said to me several months ago. “I have a 50-year Tour Choir reunion coming up in June. Since the goal of the reunion is to present a concert, I will be rehearsing all weekend. I will also be hosting people to stay at our house.”
“Well, dear, that sounds lovely. What would you like me to do?”
“I would like you to leave. I’d like you to take the dog, drive to the other side of the state and stay away for two days. You can come back for the concert on Sunday.”
Feeling a little flummoxed I asked, “But where will I go?”
“Not to worry, honey. I have booked a honeymoon cabin for you and Charlie in Hocking Hills. It has all the necessary amenities for you both to have a wonderful weekend.”
“A honeymoon cabin? Isn’t that a little weird for just me and my dog to go to a honeymoon cabin?”
“Hey, it was available and cheap. It’s not like it has a heart-shaped bed and a pink Jacuzzi. It’s just a little cabin in the woods for the two of you. And the best part…you will be out of my way!”
“You know, that really does sound pretty cool! A couple of days with just Charlie and me hiking the parks, visiting waterfalls, exploring caves, and sitting on the porch, drinking coffee and watching squirrels. Thank you, dear. I think we’re going to love it.”
Smiling mischievously the wife said, “Not as much as I will.”
So, on June 9, Charles Ralph and I packed up the car and headed to Hocking Hills. Of course, a lunch-stop at Mickey D’s was necessary for some shared chicken chunks and fries. Yum.
We ended our drive in front of the cutest little log cabin. Inside, a sign on the table said, “Congratulations honeymooners!” (Charlie even looked at me weird when he saw that.)
“Hey, mom said it was available and cheap. Never mind the honeymoon stuff.”
The honeymoon cabin for Raul and Charlie in Hocking Hills.
supplied photo
Our first evening was spent around a campfire telling scary dog stories about the haunted vacuum cleaner that chased a barking Shih-tzu around the house thinking it was a dust ball. And then all of the sudden … the barking stopped. (Charlie’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. He jumped into my lap.)
Day two was spent hiking to Cedar Falls, having a picnic, exploring Ash Cave, a trip to the town of Logan, Ohio to buy a present for mom, a stop at a nearby winery, with TV dinners and porch time in the evening.
It was a super honeymoon weekend with my best pal, Charles Ralph. And we even made it home in time to hear mom’s amazing choir concert.
“Thanks for a great getaway weekend,” I said to the wife. “Charlie and I had a blast, but you might not want to use the vacuum for a few days.”
Raul Ascunce is a freelance columnist for the Sentinel-Tribune. He may be contacted at [email protected].
