We all know prejudice is real, and some of us have experienced it.
The most egregious forms of prejudice are racial, ethnic, and religious. Sadly, these are common everywhere. There seems to be an impulse in us to see some of our fellow humans as “other;” different from us, inferior, un-relatable. History—and the present— are certainly full of the repercussions of such prejudice: economic discrimination, racial stereotyping, bitter religious conflict.
But do we ever think about the prejudices we hold? I believe we all harbor some prejudice or stereotypes. Perhaps we think older people are set in their ways and can’t contribute in the job market any more. Maybe we assume the recently incarcerated are dangerous. I know a young woman from the west coast who reports that people expect her to be flaky because she’s from southern California!
What do all these prejudices have in common? They involve basing our perception of an individual on what we think we know about the group they belong to. Our response to that person is then colored by the view we’ve absorbed from others or even from the media. When we don’t question those assumptions, we’re in trouble.
One of the most insidious prejudices, I believe, is that against people with mental illness. As a child I had a close neighbor who saw a psychiatrist and was hospitalized a few times for depression. I knew her as my friend’s mother; a kind, funny woman who could be a bit zany and who spent a lot of time talking on the phone to my mom (who lent her a sympathetic ear in spite of her very busy life caring for nine children!).
I’ll never forget my shock when I heard another neighbor remark that this woman must be a shame and embarrassment to her husband. This attitude made no sense to me: Mrs. Snyder was a bit of a character, to be sure, but my family accepted her with all her quirks. (After all, we had plenty of quirks of our own!) I realize now that this was one of my first close-up experiences of prejudice.
Why did this attitude shock me so? It’s probably because I’d never heard my parents say anything like this. I clearly remember my mother explaining to me that people like Mrs. Snyder had an illness of the mind, in the same way that others had an illness of the heart or the stomach. It was not our neighbor’s fault that she suffered the difficulties she did. It was not her choice. (Indeed, it later turned out that Mrs. Snyder had a brain tumor that was causing her sometimes erratic behavior and mood disorders.) I didn’t have a prejudice against our neighbor because I hadn’t been taught it. I was very lucky.
Prejudices against those with mental illness are rife. Many assume—mistakenly—that the mentally ill are violent. (Actually, only a tiny majority of those with a mental illness diagnosis commit crime; they are much more likely to become its victims.) Some take it for granted that people with mental illness can’t hold down a job (also untrue). The reality is that people living with these disorders are our neighbors, friends, and colleagues. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness, it affects one in four American families. We can’t afford to set people struggling with these disorders apart, any more than we should ostracize people with cancer or heart disease.
When we look at where out prejudices originate, I think we will almost always see that they were modeled by those closest to us. No one is born with a prejudice; they have to be learned. Sometimes the general culture is at fault, but I think our deepest pre-judgements were formed closer to home. We tend not to question the attitudes of our parents and families, especially as young children.
But as adults we can become aware of how we’re acquired out attitudes, and begin to question them. We don’t have to hang onto these beliefs. Moreover, we don’t have to perpetuate them. As parents, we need to be keenly aware of what prejudices we are modeling for our children to absorb. We can decide not to continue that cycle.
Prejudice is learned, and it can be unlearned—or not taught in the first place.
