Going to the dentist to fix my Bluetooth


I have a dentist appointment next week. I don’t mind them too much if it’s just a check-up and cleaning. But if any major work is included like a filling or a crown, then I will slink into the dentist chair like a scared dog about to be put down.

One of the things I am always asked first is, “Any trouble with the teeth?” Well, next week I will have a different answer to that question.

“Yes. I am having trouble with my Bluetooth. No matter how hard I try to connect my phone to a device, I inevitably get the message: Bluetooth cannot connect with your device. So, today I would like you to fix my Bluetooth.”

When I suggested to the wife that I would answer the preliminary dental question in that way, she lost it.

“Are you really that ignorant?” she said in disbelief. “Do you seriously think the dentist can fix your Bluetooth?”

“Hey, it’s a tooth! What difference does the color make? Dentists fix teeth.”

“Honey,” the wife said patting my hand, “Bluetooth is just a term for short-range radio technology that connects two electrical devices, like your phone to your speaker, your car, or your fitness tracker…Bluetooth allows the devices to talk to each other.”

“Well, what the heck does a blue tooth have to do with connecting devices? I bet my dentist knows,” I said.

“Now that’s a question worthy of a little Googling. Allow me to do some Google-factation of the situation,” she said, whipping out her laptop. In a flurry of nails and knuckles the wife typed the question, “How did Bluetooth technology get its name?”

The computer beeped and buzzed as it whizzed through its online data banks until a “ding” was heard revealing the answer.

Reading the brightly lit screen which glinted off her white tooth the wife said, “It says here that in 1996 when the technology for short-range radio connectivity was being invented, a name for the project was needed. One of the industry leaders suggested Bluetooth as a temporary name. Apparently King Harald ‘Blue Tooth’ Gormsson, who had an ugly blue/gray dead tooth, was famous for bringing together Denmark and Norway in 938 AD, just like the technology brings together two devices. The name stuck in spite of efforts to change it.”

“So, what you’re telling me is that my dentist is not going to be able to link my phone to my Bluetooth speaker unless I have an ugly blue/gray tooth? Honey,” I said, “get me my hammer, one of my teeth is about to die. I need me some James Taylor music STAT on this here Bluetooth speaker.”

“Dear, trust me,” the wife said, “smacking a tooth with a hammer will not get Sweet Baby James on your speaker, but it will give you a reason to go to the dentist.”

Somedays I just feel like I have used up all my brain cells and cannot absorb any more technological information. I keep getting a message in my head that reads, “Your memory is full, would you like to go to the iCloud?”

Actually, going to the iCloud sounds pretty nice.

Raul Ascunce is a freelance columnist for the Sentinel-Tribune. He may be contacted at [email protected].

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