Relatively speaking: Trivia night on Tuesdays — planet on it

Almost every Tuesday night for the past year, the wife and I go to a local establishment to play trivia. Of course, this was the wife’s idea because as new septuagenarians, she is concerned for our mental acuity.

When she first broached the idea I was opposed.

“Honey, I think we should go and play trivia,” she said. “According to the medical profession, we lose brain cell as we age and it is important to stimulate our brains with challenging games. What do you think about playing trivia? Stop playing with your lips and answer me.”

“I am concerned that I could over stimulate my brain and blow an aneurysm. So, no I don’t want to play trivia,” I said.

“No pressure. We can get a team of our friends together so there will be others to help us answer the questions.”

“Do you seriously want me on your trivia team when I can rarely remember where I put my car keys? What kind of questions do they ask?”

Googling trivia questions the wife said, “Here’s one. What country is Budapest the capital of?”

“That’s easy. Budapest is the capital of Rhode Island. Piece of cake. Give me another one,” I said, getting excited.

“OK, let’s see here. Oh, I can’t ask you this…”

“Why not? Ask me!”

“What is the seventh planet from the sun?”

“URANUS!” I said, laughing hysterically.

“I knew I shouldn’t have asked you that. Honestly, you can be so sophomoric at times,” the wife scolded.

“I’m sorry, but Uranus is a very funny word. You can’t help but laugh when you hear Uranus.”

Against her better judgment the wife called a few friends to join our team for trivia night, and before we knew it, we were regulars for Tuesday night trivia. Eight to 10 of us gather to stimulate our brain cells once a week over appetizers and beer.

Everyone in the group has their own area of expertise, be it history, geography, pop culture, sports or music. Against up to 15 other teams, we vie for first and second place gift cards.

Most of the time I don’t have a clue. The questions are as foreign to me as Latinish. Especially any questions having to do with history, geography, pop culture, sports or music. I can literally hear my brain cells dying with each succeeding question. Tiny screams in my ears are painful reminders that soon all my food will have to be blended.

But recently at one of our trivia games, the question was asked, “What is the seventh planet from the sun?”

I could literally see the horror in the wife’s eyes. “Please no,” she pleaded.

I stood up and yelled the answer for the whole group to hear, “URANUS!!!”

I could actually feel the cells in my brain swell with intelligence. I was right.

Ever since then, my go-to answer to all things trivia is Uranus. It’s rarely right, but it’s always funny.

Raul Ascunce is a freelance columnist for the Sentinel-Tribune. He may be contacted at [email protected]