A couple of weeks ago, the wife very solemnly came up to me as I sat in my man chair. When this happens, I know there is some sort of personal request to be made such as, “Is there anything in the budget for a trip to Iceland this week? I got me a hankerin’ for some northern lights.”
Fortunately, this time the request was totally doable. Sitting down on the ottoman in front of me and coquettishly twirling her hair she said, “You know how you love to caulk things? Well, I’m just not happy with the caulking around my tub. It’s yellowing and I prefer brilliant ultra-white, siliconized latex for aesthetic purposes.”
“First of all,” I said, “I don’t love caulking. That would be weird. Secondly, caulking for aesthetic purposes is an unnecessary waste of manpower and caulk. But because of the cute way you’re twirling your hair, I will do it. You realize you won’t be able to use your tub for 24 hours. You will have to bathe in my shower.”
Yes it’s true, the wife and I have separate bathrooms. For preservation reasons we both thought it best that when our children left home, we would separate when it came to hygiene. It’s been wonderful and is the reason we’ve stayed married for 46 years.
So, later that day I went to my caulk cupboard, selected a suitable sealant and caulked the h-e-double hockey sticks out of that tub.
Later that evening, I heard the wife screaming from my shower, “Where’s your shampoo?”
“I yelled back upstairs, “It’s on the top shelf.”
“There’s nothing here but dog shampoo.”
“I know. That’s what I use. It’s great and it works. You haven’t seen any flea or ticks on me have you?”
Since we got Charlie, our Australian shepherd mix, a year ago, I have been bathing him in my shower. (Apparently he was offended by the aesthetically unpleasant caulking in the wife’s tub.)
A few months back I had run out of shampoo. Well the dog’s shampoo was right there. I pulled it off the shelf and read the bottle, “Baking soda in a soothing anti-itch oatmeal shampoo with a refreshing botanical scent.” What could be better than that? So I used it.
It was amazing. It soothed my dry itchy skin, eliminated my pet odors, and gave me 30-day flea and tick protection. I was so pleased with it, I kept using it and I must say I have become very popular at the dog parks since I smell a lot like the pooches there.
“I am not using dog shampoo,” the wife yelled. “Would you please get me my shampoo from my tub?”
“Suit yourself,” I said. “But don’t come complaining to me when you wind up with a good case of the fleas.”
Charlie and I continue to share shampoo and we have never been more botanically moistened and fresh.
Raul Ascunce is a freelance columnist for the Sentinel-Tribune. He may be contacted at RaulAscunce@gmail.com.