Raul Ascunce
At some point in the life of a property owner a change of some sort may be desired or required. Be it a new roof, furnace, sunroom, bathroom remodel, or just a new color, sooner or later a project will happen.
Regardless of the project, much of the research is up to the homeowner to find the best contractor for the job.
“Honey, I have an idea for another project for our home,” the wife announced.
Whipping out my actuarial tables and using my pointer I said, “We are here on the chart at 70 years of age. With God’s great blessings we will last another 10 years. So, a home improvement at this stage of our lives must not be major in any way because we won’t be around long enough to enjoy it.”
“Will you listen to yourself, Angel of Death? I am not going to deny myself the finer things of life because you think we are about to expire. Besides, if you succumb to your own prediction, my next husband and I will enjoy whatever home improvement we undertake in your honor.”
“Your display of grief is extremely touching. Somebody hand me a tissue. So, what is this home improvement you wish to enjoy with your new husband?”
“I would like a small patio in front of our house. We have no porch on which to sit and greet friends, neighbors and passersby. A small patio made of flagstone upon which we could set a bench and a couple of chairs would be extremely welcoming.”
“Who is he?” I demanded.
“Who is who?” the wife innocently asked.
“This new husband you’ve picked out to sit on my patio?!”
“Can I say here that you are being a complete jerk? I only mention a second husband because you whipped out an actuarial table predicting our deaths. It’s a fact that women live longer than men. If you go, I’m going to need someone to mow the lawn, kill the bugs, and sip iced tea with on my brand spanking new patio. Now, can we put the actuarial table away and just concentrate on a new flagstone patio? To take your mind off of your impending demise, how about if you get some estimates from several contractors for our little project?”
I don’t know about you, but the prospect of getting estimates is daunting. Research is required to find out who does the type of work you’re interested in, calls and texts must be made, a site visit scheduled, and then there’s the wait … the wait for the dreaded dollar amount it is going to cost you to carry out your vision.
A couple of days later the wife asked, “So how are we doing with the estimates for our new patio, dear? Do you have any prospective contractors?”
“My head is swimming with numbers, measurements, and designs. This is causing me a ton of stress. I may have to make an adjustment on my actuarial table.”
“Give me the list, dear. I’ll figure it out,” the wife said. “Allow me to take this burden off of your shoulders before you expire. And give me that stupid actuarial table. I’m burying it under our new flagstone patio upon which you and I will sit sipping iced tea and waving at passersby.”
Raul Ascunce is a freelance columnist for the Sentinel-Tribune. He may be contacted at [email protected].
